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Knowing Your Love Language

For years I have heard about how great it is when their significant other buys them something... roses, jewelry, their favorite coffee, something special from Target, anything.  I always roll my eyes and think, seriously?  Why?  Just go buy it yourself if you want it; why waste money on flowers that will be gone in a few days; who needs the extra desserts; etc.

However the more time I have spent discovering myself, and the things that I need, I have also found that some people need these gifts.  They need to them feel love in the same way that I need my husband to hold my hand, put his arm around me on the couch, or play footsie under the table with me.

In my research and reading through the years I have come across "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.  He goes in depth about each of the 5 Love Languages, how to tell what your language is, and to remember that just because you need to be loved in one way, does not mean that your partner feels the same way.


We all have our own Love Language, and we have to know enough about ourselves to know our language.  I have also found that while Physical Touch is my dominate language, that I also have a secondary languages of quality time and acts of service, and that things like Words and Gifts do absolutely nothing for me.  Yes, words are nice to hear, and gifts are always exciting, but at the end of the day they do not show me that I am loved.   If you really want to show me you love me - fix me dinner, fold the laundry, or ask me to watch TV with you on the couch.  My husband on the other hand could care less about Physical Touch.  If he is upset and needs consoling - do not touch.  In fact, he just needs quality time...from a distance.  It is easiest to show love in the way that you want to receive love, but that does not mean that is what other people need from you. 

Love languages also do not just apply to the way partners interact.  Everyone has a love language, and even friends, parents, and children need to be shown love in the ways that are best for them.  Take the time to ask, or just pay attention to how they react.  You can really influence someone's attitude by taking the time to know about them, and using what you know to help them have a positive experience.

There is so much to learn about yourself, if you just take the time to look.  Really pay attention to what makes you feel loved, not just what you think is nice that minute - but what you actually remember and smile about when you think back on that moment.  So...what is your love language?

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